At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
