My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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