I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
