Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
