I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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