So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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