My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dicks are not precious.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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