I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
