i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
