You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
this will be a night to untag.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
