This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need to calm my uterus...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
