do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
