just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
