Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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