I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
