Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
