Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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