I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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