omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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