i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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