my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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