It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
