i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i now understand why vodka
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
