my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
