i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
