They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
