he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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