see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
