:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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