I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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