I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
