You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just found a bag of teeth...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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