The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
