went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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