Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
