I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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