I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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