He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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