i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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