I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
