all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
