At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
