Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
