bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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