If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
