take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
