Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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