I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
