i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The power of my boobs compel you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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