yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
